Empower Yourself to Take Control and Be Free

If you’re going to get in control of your life, you’re going to have to do just that — get in control. You cannot control other people, but you can get in control of yourself. You have to be able to make the choices you need in order to make your life work, belong to you and integrate around the things important to you. That may require you to set some boundaries and limits with other people.

In order to do that, consider the following:

• You need to confront a spouse who’s in denial about a significant problem.
• You need to confront a difficult boss about mistreatment.
• You need to talk to an unreasonable friend.
• You need to tell someone you are dating that something needs to change.

But what if the following things are also true?

• You can’t handle your spouse being upset with you, and you know that he or she will be upset if you confront the issue.
• You need your job so much you are afraid your boss will fire you, and you doubt your ability to find another job.
• You’ve known that friend for a really long time and think you might ruin the relationship.
• You can’t stand the thought of being without a relationship.

Let's start with this.

You will not be able to be in control of your own life until you have strengthened your personal balance sheet. Your “equity” has got to be strong. You have to have a lot of assets in order to be able to do these two things: 

1. Be who you need to be for yourself and have what you need to have happen, happen. 
2.  Be the servant of others you need to be. You cannot serve someone you are toxically dependent on as you are not free to love them in the way that they might need at times, i.e., through tough love. 

Be in business of increasing your equity, which means increasing your assets over your liabilities, building up your balance sheet of life. Here are some of the assets that you will need to be in a position of strength. 

• Develop a strong support system of friends who will stand with you when you have to do something difficult, or when you might lose someone’s approval or even relationship.
• Get more credentials, education, or training, not only to raise your marketability but your confidence as well. 
• Get strongly grounded spiritually so that when difficulties occur, you have a foundation to depend on. 
•  Get the coaching or counseling that you need to deal with whatever or whomever you are dealing with in the bigger picture. A mentor is good, and sometimes a professional is better, as it is more directly focused and structure. 

Remember, we are talking about a balance sheet here, not a short-term loan. These are real assets, and like all assets, the more valuable ones take time to build. These are not quick fixes. Put the time and effort in these and see them as goals that are going to take months, sometimes years, to get where you ultimately want them.