Forgiveness Addresses the Past

A key idea about forgiveness that too many people get wrong is this: forgiveness addresses the past. If the issue is ongoing, it's not the past. You forgive people for something that they did in the past, not for something that they are doing in the present.

Sometimes people ask us to forgive them for something that they did, and they are either unaware or simply trying to escape accountability for the fact that they are continuing to do it. So, if that person is continuing to do something that is hurting you, causing you pain, and making it difficult to do what you need or want to do, don't forgive them. Instead, work on the issue so that it stops. Only then is it really time to forgive. Stop the problem so that you can get to a place where forgiveness is an appropriate response.

Jesus tells us that we are to be forgiving, always, but in order to do that we have to be safe and that means that the issue has to be in the past. Most of us are inclined to forgive easily, but the very simple truth is that there is a limit that must be set, a boundary: the thing that I am going to forgive this person for already happened, and it is not happening anymore.

The word 'forgive' has an original meaning: to cancel a debt. You can't cancel the debt if they're still racking up charges.