Learn the Causes of Your Anxiety

Anxiety can shut us down and make our lives smaller. It will limit our lives and limit our performance. I don't want a small life for you, so I want you to understand what is going on with your anxiety so that you can begin to work through it.

Some of the causes of anxiety are biological, and some are about how we interpret our lives. Your system takes in information, in the form of experiences, thoughts, impressions, etc., and then internally you do something with it. That 'something' encompasses a wide variety of processes that take place in your brain and elsewhere throughout the systems of your body. Knowing this gives us a few possible ways to interpret feelings of anxiety, and some ways to begin to work on it.

Certain kinds of performance situations, conflict, interactions, dynamics, trigger our most fundamental need and fear: for relationship and connection, and the possibility of being alone. Our biggest fear is isolation, abandonment, loss. We need other human beings at a very deep level.

Healthy is: if we have a conflict, I still know I'm going to be loved and included.

There is a feedback loop at play in this dynamic. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. They get reinforced by behaviors that are internalized by people that process information either well, or poorly. The more support we have, generally speaking, the less we are vulnerable to anxiety. Insecure attachments and unresolved bad past experiences shape our anxiety triggers.

What if you go into a situation that could result in a rejection? A job interview, a date, a conflict of some kind. It can make you highly anxious depending upon how connected you feel in other areas. If you are very dependent on that acceptance from a symbolic rejection situation, you may wind up experiencing anxiety.

Another thing that tends to provoke anxiety is when we try to exert control over areas where we have no control. This is particularly an issue when someone is lacking in self-control. They don't have the needed ability of self-control, so they start trying to control things that are outside of their control. Work on self-control, and work on accepting that there are things that you can control, and things you can't.

Perfectionism is another area that can lead us to anxiety, and more specifically the threat of imperfection. We can figure out what perfect would be. We know what the ideal situation/term paper/resume/body would be, but we develop an unhealthy relationship between a possible 'better' and an impossible perfect. If 100 is perfect and you get a 98, what is the tone of that 2% failure? You find yourself pulling away, thinking that you shouldn't get close to that person because the relationship won't be perfect. You avoid situations that could be fulfilling because you feel they won't live up to your expectations. You are catastrophizing the negative, living in the anxious uncertainty of trying to be perfect.

Authority figures can make us anxious if they are negative or toxic. Power dynamics have a high potential to provoke anxiety. People who are over you who have the ability to judge you. You can even make that authority figure the voice inside your own head. You can negatively self-talk your way into anxiety. WHen we feel equal with other adults, when there's mutual respect, when you're not afraid, you are less likely to be anxious. And when you feel internally like you come to the table as an equal with other people, you are safer and less prone to anxiety.

There is also, frequently, anxiety about the anxiety. When someone feels a normal amount of anxiety, they interpret that anxiety as something really bad. This can escalate into a panic attack. This happens when people have not learned to let anxiety be what it is. You can't get close to the problem to work on it when this happens because you spin out of control.

Tackling anxiety is possible. We have a course that will help you, as well as a workshop. A therapist or counselor can help too. Sometimes talking to others who have dealt with and overcome their own anxiety can help. If anxiety is making your life feel small, take the next step.