Leave Your Pride at the Door. It’s Ruining Future Relationships.

Humility is a trait of greatness. It is not an aspect of timid people who see themselves as trash. Humility is the ability to see yourself and your situation clearly, for good and for bad. Humble people don’t care if what they do or think makes them look like a hero or a bad guy. They want to get at the heart of the matter.

I knew a guy who was controlled by negative thinking patterns that kept him from asking out a woman he was attracted to. He said, “She wouldn’t go for a guy like me; she’s amazing, and I’m pretty mediocre.” After a few attempts to encourage him, I realized something. I was heading in the wrong direction.

“Actually, in a way, that could be a pride issue for you,” I said.

“What? I thought you were saying I put myself down too much.”

“I did, but sometimes pride can drive our self-talk, too.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, let’s look at it. How prideful is it to think that your mediocrity is so unattractive that you don’t have a chance? That actually gives a lot of power to your unattractive self-image. In fact, think about how you’re not even giving this young lady a chance to choose you. That could have even been seen as controlling.”

He has never thought of it that way. He realized that he wasn’t being truly humble — that is, seeing himself clearly. Now guess what happened later. He finally asked her out, and she accepted! So give up the idea that your past, your problems and your limitations are all that powerful. Be humble enough to allow for the possibility that you can do better — and then act on that possibility.