Setting Boundaries with Controlling People

Do you have people in your life who try to control you through guilt, anger, or other manipulation tactics? Most of us deal with controlling behaviors from others at some point. The good news is, you don’t have to acquiesce to controlling demands. You can set boundaries that preserve your freedom and sanity.

Strategies for Handling Controllers

When someone tries to make you do something by applying pressure through criticism, silence, guilt, or other means, your most powerful tool is simply saying “no.” You can convert a controlling person into a merely frustrated person by refusing to give in. Controllers can only have power if you hand over control. Developing a strong “no” muscle takes practice, but it’s worth it.

Identify Your Needs

Think about why you give in to controlling tactics. Do you have an underlying need for approval, to avoid conflict, or to be liked? We tend to relinquish power when saying no costs something we’re unwilling to pay, like rejection. Identifying these needs helps you withstand manipulation attempts.

Build Your Support System

If you rely solely on the controlling person to meet your needs for love or approval, you’ll cave easily when pressured. Strengthen relationships with friends, family, groups, and mentors. When you know you have support, it’s easier to say no.

Convert Them From Controlling to Frustrated

Keep in mind that “no” often won’t result in the dire consequences you may fear. For example, many adult children fear parental disapproval. But parents adapt surprisingly well to new boundaries. Expect resistance at first, but stick to your guns. With consistency, you can convert controllers from demanding to merely annoyed that you won’t comply.

Handling controlling people starts with identifying your needs, building support, and developing refusal skills. With practice, you can stand firm against manipulation and gain greater freedom and empowerment. The effort to set boundaries pays off with much healthier relationships.