Trust vs Control

Trust is fuel for connection. When trust is present, a relationship becomes a safe space where each person can invest their time, energy, and other resources and feel safe that it is a sound investment. One of the worst things for trust is to try to enforce control over another person. Controlling behavior interferes with trust. We try to assert control over things when we do not trust that they will naturally turn out the way we want them to turn out. Trust requires freedom, and trust grows in situations and relationships where each person is free to decide, and willingly chooses the option that is best, or accepted as best, for both parties. That doesn't necessarily mean that every decision must be a compromise, or that mutual benefit must always be equal. It means that each person is free to make a choice, and each party assumes that the two of you will mutually decide on the best choice to keep trust and connection growing.

To try to control someone else is to take away some of the choices that are available to them. This crosses a boundary. You are trying to own something that is not yours to own: their freedom. If you find yourself feeling an impulse to enforce control in a relationship, you will want to look at the underlying reasons that are getting in the way of your ability to trust. The same is true in situations where you feel someone trying to gain control of your individual freedom. What inside of them is unable to trust you? Figure that out, end the patterns of control, and trust will begin to grow.

Key Takeaways:

-When you have trust, all through your body, you can say “I’m safe.” It opens up your energy. When we don’t trust, we withhold, we don’t feel safe, toxic stress hormones get released.

-Controlling behavior interferes with trust.

-In order to trust, you must give up some control.

-You must manage the boundary between when you give up your control, and when you take it back, by setting your boundary of trust.