When You Stop Playing the Blame Game, You Start to Find a Solution

Love is one of the greatest and most important experiences that anyone can have. It is a gift, and it can fill up our lives. We all possess a deep desire to have someone connected to our hearts in a safe and growing relationship.

You may be single and looking for the right person, or you may be married and wanting your connection to be happier, deeper and more intimate. In either situation, a healthy, safe, exciting and positive love relationship is an important part of life. Or at a more serious level, things may not be going well in your love life. Your dating life may be in trouble, or it may be nonexistent. Your marriage may be empty or struggling with a great deal of pain and conflict.

Avoid the blame game and ask, “What part have I played in this situation?” Here are some common answers.

(Please note that that these don’t necessary apply where abuse is present. If you’re in an abusive relationship, please seek the help of a counselor and/or law enforcement.)

I have blamed my unhappiness on my significant other’s lack of change. I can become happy if he/she never changes.

I have given up too soon. I can stick to a good plan, even if the going gets tough.

I have not been clear about what I want and need. I can let him or her know, kindly but directly, what I want and need.

I have been afraid to confront. I can learn how to confront in love and truth.

I have avoided looking at my own lack of love or my control issues in the relationship. I can take responsibility for not being loving or for being controlling, and I can change those things.

I have put up with things I should have never tolerated. I can say no to bad treatment and take steps to set limits on how I am treated.

I have allowed myself to be alone in this problem. I can reach out and connect with people who will be my support system.

In your own life, you may find attitudes and answers other than the ones listed here. The point is, when you’re the one taking action and changing, you have movement toward a goal — something that can’t happen when you’re stuck in blame. Remember, no one else but you can do this for yourself.

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