Why Rejection Hurts So Much (and what to do with those feelings)

Rejection hurts, and sometimes it really, really hurts? Why is that. Well, for starters, there is a biological and neurochemical reason that the pain of rejection hurts so much. You’re not overreacting. Your brain is working overtime processing these feelings.

If you’ve recently experienced rejection, or are still dealing with difficult feelings from past experiences with rejection, you should consider taking our video course on rejection. It’s free right now during the Boundaries.Me Open House. Click the image below to get signed up. No credit card, and no purchase required. You’ll get access to the rejection course right away, along with more than 100 other courses and short, practical daily coaching videos.

When we experience feelings of rejection, the part of our brain that is responsible for processing social information is activated. This region is called the anterior cingulate cortex, and it is responsible for processing information about social interactions. This region of the brain is also responsible for generating the feelings of pain that we experience when we are rejected, in much the same way that it becomes activated when we experience physical pain..

When we are rejected, the anterior cingulate cortex becomes more active and releases chemicals that cause us to feel pain. These chemicals are called neurotransmitters, and they do exactly what they sound like they do: they are responsible for transmitting signals between neurons. Neurotransmitters are responsible for the feelings of pleasure and pain that we experience. When we experience rejection, the level of neurotransmitters in our brain increases, and this causes us to feel more pain.

This part of our brain is also involved with regulating our emotions. When we experience rejection, it becomes more active and causes us to feel more negative emotions. We may feel sad, anxious, or angry when we are rejected. And those feelings have a biological basis. They are real.

When we experience rejection, it can feel like a deep personal attack. We may feel hurt, embarrassed, and alone. We may become withdrawn and lose interest in the things that we once enjoyed. Our self-esteem may suffer, and we may start to doubt our worthiness of love and acceptance. These feelings are normal, and it is important to give ourselves time and space to process them.

Rejection can cause:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Obsessive thoughts
• Temporary loss of IQ points
• Inflammation

But by far the most dangerous thing it can do is that it can possibly leave a stain on your mind and heart about a certain part of you.

Rejection has the potential to change the way that you view yourself. Depending on the level of rejection you experience, you may experience anything from sadness and pain to grief. That’s all ok and ‘normal.’ But, if the pain that you are feeling is bigger than the rejection, it’s probably tapping into something that was already there that you have not yet processed or resolved.

Ask yourself, “What is this rejection tapping into?”

• My need for a relationship?
• My sense of my own lovability?
• My assertiveness?
• My ability to make mistakes?

If your rejection is making you feel deeper pain tapping into more or more of these parts of you, that is when you need to do some healing work. Figure out why this rejection went so deep.

Most of the time, rejection says much more about them than you. Everyone has their own needs in mind and they are looking for specific things to meet those needs, and this does not have anything to do with you not being enough. It is not always about you in that way. This date, or this boss, or that other person may not have thought you were perfect, but the next person does. It is more about them than you.